Square One: Cocoon Mode
Did you catch the first issue in this series, about The Moment that Changes Everything?
Today we’re talking about what happens after the catalytic event: dissolving into goo.
Cocoon mode.
This often feels like everything is falling apart and nothing in your life is recognizable.
This partner.
This job.
The living room paint or books on your nightstand.
None of it seems to fit anymore, and you might be wondering how you ever thought any of it was right.
You know the phrase, “Back to square 1”? It’s never said as a good thing, is it? Like, “Ooh, can’t wait to get back to square 1!”
But we all end up here. Repeatedly.
And yet, sometimes it can be hard to recognize this state – probably because we’ve basically dissolved into goo and have trouble parsing what’s us, what’s true, where we’re going.
Here are some things to look for:
You don’t feel like yourself or recognize the life around you
Everything feels squishy
You’re not sure what to do or where to go next
What do you do when you find yourself in square one?
First of all, keep in mind that you have to let square one happen. You can’t rush it. (I know. I know.)
Let yourself experience the grief and squishiness.
Seek out counsel – from a coach, therapist, or others who have been through it before.
Take sweet, tender care of yourself. This is not the time for ambitious projects. This is the time for more journaling, more gentle walks outside, more Netflix, more herbal tea, more snuggles. We’re going for comfort.
The mantra here is, “I don’t know, and that’s ok.”
Square one or depression?
I want to be careful to distinguish Square One squishy-lost feelings from depression. According to the Mayo Clinic, signs of depression include:
Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
If you think you may be experiencing depression rather than Square One discomfort, please seek the help of a trained therapist. I’ve heard good things about programs like Talkspace.
On the horizon
The best news about Square One may be that it ends – and is followed by Square Two: Dreaming and Scheming.
I love Square Two, and we’ll be delving into that next week.
