When Grief and Gratitude Meet

A few months ago shared my thoughts on what to do when the world feels too heavy.

Lately I’ve been exploring what to do when grief and gratitude meet.

When something wonderful happens...but it requires letting go of something else you care deeply about.

Or you're going through something incredibly hard...and still find yourself marveling at how luck you are. 

Here are a few examples that have come up in coaching conversations recently:

• You land a job in your dream city — and taking it means asking your partner to walk away from work they care deeply about.

• You’re rear ended and your car is totaled — and you and your kids are able to walk away from the scene and get a new car thanks to insurance.

• Your kid has the opportunity to study abroad — and your heart is in your throat thinking about them living on a different continent.

• You’re so burnt out that your body in agony — and you find resources to access short term disability, step away from work, and heal.

• You take the trip of a lifetime with your family — and it’s so exhausting everyone has meltdowns.

So how do we square these complexities?

Embrace the "and." 

A gentle reminder that the world is complex can go a long way.

We run into trouble when we try to dismiss a thought because we feel we “should.” In dismissing that thought, we dismiss the breadth of what we experience. 

You are not a jerk for feeling joy or gratitude in the face of hardship. You’re not ungrateful if you feel grief when something good happens.

By allowing space to process the totality of what you’re experiencing, you can move from wild pendulum swings to a more steadied middle.

The more we practice observing compassionate non-judgement, the more we learn to hold the fullness of life.

We allow sweetness into the sorrow, and we hone our empathy when things appear rosy.

Complexity isn't easy, but it's rich.