Coffee to Wine Treadmill
For years, most of my days followed a similar pattern: tea or cold brew throughout the day until it was an “acceptable” time to swap that for a Campari spritz.
I knew it wasn’t great, but it was working for me, so I didn’t feel the need to mix that up.
I mean, it was kind of working for me.
If you ignored my abysmal sleep.
And my increasing anxiety.
And the fact that this was a really good band-aid for me to ignore other things that weren’t working in my life. (I’m looking at you, job that had long stopped being fulfilling.)
Shocker: It Really Stopped Working
One afternoon, I was taking a new route to the kids’ swim lessons and I missed a turn. I burst into tears and could not stop crying.
I was so upset with myself for that mistake.
I knew it wasn’t about missing the turn, of course, but I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I sipped my cold brew, silently wiped my tears, and drove on.
Thankfully, I’d packed my journal that day. While the kids were in the pool, I explored what needed to change.
Maybe I needed medication. I was open to the possibility, but had a hunch that wasn’t the fix in this case.
So I wrote myself a prescription to try first:
Ease (waaaaay) up on the caffeine.
Ease (waaaaay) up on the alcohol.
Prioritize ways to reconnect with myself.
Prioritize nervous system regulation.
I’d been outsourcing my regulation to caffeine and alcohol, and it was time to bring that work “in house.”
Enter: Relief
Listen, this wasn’t a revolutionary plan. It’s just one I hadn’t tried before.
Changing habits can be hard. But I’ve found two things make a world of difference:
The right motivation
By this I mean intrinsic motivation. Motivation that is aligned with what the deepest part of you wants. “Shoulds” don’t work here, not for long.The right support
When you’re making a change, it’s important to share your intention selectively. Share with someone who can see and support the new version of you. Maybe this is your rockstar best friend, your partner, or your coach.
When I had those pieces in place – I wanted to feel steadier (motivation) and I talked to my husband and therapist about it (support) – it unfolded organically.
Want to try?
If this is something you’re feeling called to explore yourself, try this:
Cut back on caffeine.
Try cutting your caffeine consumption in half every few days until you’re down to just one cup in the morning. (I love the bite of caffeinated tea, so I’ll often brew a half-caf pot so I can sip it longer.)
Caffeine withdrawal can be a doozy, so don’t be surprised if you get headaches or feel off as you go through this process. If you menstruate, you might want to wait until you’re ovulating, to get a natural boost. And I’d recommend not timing this to coincide with a major work deadline. No need to make it even harder.
I found that not revving myself up with caffeine made it so much easier to not feel like I “needed” a drink to unwind.
2. Pause before you booze.
Before you pour yourself a drink, check in.
Take a few deep breaths, maybe do a few rounds of 4-7-8 breathing (in through the nose for 4, hold for 7, out through the mouth for 8).
Massage your ears, if that feels good to you.
Ask yourself how you’re feeling. Really. Are you pissed off? Wrung out? Overwhelmed? Just need a frigging break?
You don’t have to solve it right now, but tune in to what’s underneath that feeling. Boss being a jerk? Partner not contributing equally at home? Too much on your plate? Just make note.
My personal rule was that if something made me want a drink so I could numb out, I had to do something to address it before deciding to pour a drink.
Journal. Make a note to talk about it with my coach. Talk to my husband. Take a walk. Do a set of burpees to get the energy out. Something.
Because numbing out – whether with alcohol or pot or social media or another Amazon order – isn’t going to make the underlying issue go away.
3. Move forward with intention
Now that you’re operating from a place of self-connection, what feels like the right next move?
Here are some options to consider:
Go to bed early.
Take a bath.
Sip a cup of Get Relaxed tea.
Call your bestie.
Go look at the moon.
Re-watch a favorite show.
Spend more time journaling.
Make yourself the perfect cocktail and practice drinking it with full mindfulness and intention. (If you have trouble doing this, or stopping at one, that’s a big clue to explore support around reducing your alcohol use, whether AA, a conversation with your doctor, or working with a sober coach)
It’s a big shift, but holy wow, is it worth it. I haven’t given up caffeine and alcohol completely, but they no longer are in the foreground of my life.
I’ve learned to regulate, to tune in, to make the changes that lead me closer and closer to the life that my soul is meant to live – and I want that for you, so deeply.
Today is the perfect day for you to step into what’s waiting for you. Schedule a free, no-sales-pitch Vision Casting call and let’s explore what it would look like to live a life that lights you up.
