The Risks of Playing It Safe
Did you see this headline in the New York Times the other week?
Tech Layoffs Shock Young Workers. The Older People? Not So Much. (Gift link)
The interviews with the young people who have been laid off broke my heart on two levels:
Losing a job is often really hard – there’s grief, an expanse of unknowns, and lots of logistics to process. (This is often true even when you wanted to leave the damn job anyway, as I was recently discussing with a client.)
These people had made the “safe” choice and didn't get the payoff.
“It seemed like tech companies had so much opportunity,” said Ms. Chang, 26. “If you got a job, you made it. It was a sustainable path.”
Except it wasn't.
So often, what looks like the safe or responsible choice...isn’t.
Staying in the corporate job rather than striking out on your own.
Buying a condo rather than renting.
Staying in the relationship because you’re comfortable and there’s nothing wrong, exactly.
Going to law school rather than committing to writing the novel.
Let me be clear: there is nothing wrong with corporate jobs, buying a condo, staying together, or going to law school!
Unless, of course, there is.
If it doesn’t light you up, if you’re doing it because it’s “safe,” I’m here to challenge you.
What would you do if you knew it was safe to do so?
Hold on a sec.
Really take a minute to tune in and see what comes up.
What dream can you start to admit, if only to yourself?
So how do you make the “risky” move that’s right for you?
First, can we agree that the greatest risk is a life half-lived?
You are meant for a vibrant, fulfilling, rich life.
Don’t be afraid to go slow. Turtle steps are still steps, dear one. You don’t want to make so many big moves at once that you shock your system right back into inaction.
Get support. A loved one who can help hold that vision for you. A coach who can help you map the plan. (Oh look! Here’s a coach right here who would love to be on your team.)
Practice cultivating inner safety (aka nervous system regulation).
3 simple exercises for nervous system regulation
Proactive nervous system regulation is a game changer. Here are three exercises to get you started. Commit to spending 5 minutes a day for the next few weeks experimenting with these, and see what you notice.
4-7-8 breathing
My go-to when I need to slow things down. Inhale through the nose to the count of 4, hold for 7, and exhale through mouth for 8. Repeat three to five times. Sometimes I place the palms of my hands into my eye sockets for extra relief. (Here's a demo.)
Shake
This is what I do when I need to release something – anger, tension, unnamed pent-up ick. It’s exactly as it sounds: just shake your body. Don’t worry about rhythm or how it looks. Experiment with shaking one body part at a time – hands, arms, feet, legs, torso, head – and the whole body. Pay attention to when you start to feel a release.
Engage with nature
Connecting with nature – whether you stream nature sounds on YouTube, take a walk in the woods, or just stare out the window at the clouds – helps regulate your nervous system, according to multiple studies. And this is a situation where some really is better than none; even looking at a poster of nature has therapeutic benefits.
P.s. Transforming your life is not meant to be a solo sport. If you’re ready to better understand and act on your deepest desires, book a discovery call here.
Extended Cut
Oh my word, friends, this issue of Pep Talks and Insights was clocking in at almost 1,000 words, so I had to trim it down. And yet! I love peeking behind the scenes of other people’s lives – occupational perk! – so wanted to share some of mine.
If you’re curious, read on to find out how I blew it playing it safe, and how I took “risky” leaps to create the life I love.
The risks I took by playing it safe
Some of the riskiest, most harmful things I’ve done looked safe or sensible from the outside.
For years, I stayed in a job that I had once loved, but had started to feel more and more confining. It made so much sense on paper: I had a six-figure salary, great benefits, coworkers that felt like family, and a mission I believed in. And I was miserable, crying on the floor of my basement office. I literally couldn’t get any lower.
Before that, Michael and I bought a condo because it was the “smart thing to do,” and when we sold it two years later, we realized we’d have had more money if we’d rented instead.
I even said yes to a marriage proposal because it was in public and I didn’t want to make my then-boyfriend mad. (NOT my husband! Someone else, a lifetime/few years before.)
Making the jump
I’ve also done things that probably looked risky from the outside but I knew were right.
Moved 7,000 miles away to a country where I didn’t speak the language, to do a job I’d never done before, and share a studio apartment with my boyfriend of 3 months. (We’ve been together almost 15 years now.)
Gave notice at a job 4 months after I started so I could go all-in on coaching and helping people chart the path to a life of joy and purpose. (Again, great salary and benefits, working with a dear friend on a mission that is close to my heart.)
Somewhat accidentally bought a retreat center in the mountains of West Virginia. I knew we were buying a house, but it wasn’t until a few months later I realized what it actually was. Stay tuned for more on that story very soon.
Landing where I belong
All of this brought me to exactly where I need to be.
Partnered with an amazing man. Doing work that lights me up and helps people change their lives. With the flexibility to take care of my family without having to ask permission from a higher up.
It's your turn
Dear one, if you've read this far, I know your mind is already thinking about change! Take the sign, book the discovery call. Imagine how things could look six or twelve months from now if you start taking action today.
